Theres Monsters in my Head

                I am hearing all these voices, these voices pushing me off the edge. They are telling me awful things, and I don’t want to be their friend. They tell me I am lost, and try to convince me I am broken. They tell me I am worthless and convince me I am forgotten. These voices follow me everywhere I go, breaking all my bridges. They burrow deep inside my head, deep inside my mind. These voices in my head are the monsters in my head. They eat me inside out, and destroy who I am. These monsters follow me. They lure me. The force me to start to believe. They chase me into my dreams, and say some awful things. They try to break me and make me fade away. I am a mistake, I’m not good enough, my head they haunt with these thoughts. I don’t like this feeling, it won’t go away. These monsters they stay! All these thoughts continue to replay, saying things again and again; it’s never going to end. Make it go away! I’m panicking, and start to listen. I shake, I cry, I don’t understand, what do they want from me? Why are they only in my head? These monsters, they taunt me, these monsters they haunt me. These monsters in my head, these monsters want me dead. These monsters don’t sleep under my bed, these monsters sleep inside my head. Tomorrow I will battle them again. We all battle our insecurities, we all hear voices in our head. 

Lies for the honest

This is me, living, dealing, facing and reaching each impact that warp’s me into whatever I may be.  To reach each moment, each climax of life with relieve, with dignity. I am that quite character you never notice, the one that lives in the shadows, but chooses to be that way.  Each segment of my life, it’s creating and builds the story about me, and with each story within my whole story, I absorb and discover myself and what I am.  I battle myself, I fight myself, and I always doubt myself. To me my story feels as if it’s just a dream I'm waiting to awake from, Its until I miserably discover this awful dream is nothing but reality and the only way to release myself, is to find myself, and change myself.

This mask creates me, it creates us. We all hide behind a fraction of a lie, a mask we wish we were. We pretend to be the better person we all long to be, that we wish we were. The mask hides the honesty and purity of what we really are. It distinguishes us for something we aren't or may not feel. My mask is hiding the reality I'm unwilling to encounter. My mask is what’s keeping me safe from myself. I panic inside and instincts kick in. I lock myself down, I shut myself down, I feel the world around me intertwine with what I'm supposed to be, I feel the walls come in and feeling as if I'm hit by a hurricane. My mask is what keeps me acceptable. It’s the significance of who I may be, of who I am.

            This girl is a dead deer running from herself. Battling to continue to survive, doing what she must to survive. She lusts to be free, to leave unspoken and wonder the world unknown and alone. This deer it runs, it survives, and it goes un-noticed. It’s a world’s greatest beauty taken for granted; it’s a beauty that’s unappreciated  The agony of it all, this deer is okay to be hidden, to not participate in war, corruption, and destructions. This deer will remain hidden, and once it’s decaying it remains where it belongs within the depths of time, turning to dust in the dirt of a silent forest, which then wildflowers grow and long off of. This girl is a natural beauty of life that will never be noticed, she’s nothing but a silent deer, alone in the quite woods. We know it’s there, but we never think about it, or encounter it, it remains alone and enduring the silence of time.

In this moment, the masks fades away, and melts from the face allowing all fear, panic, and worry to at once be free. In this moment I am nothing more than I decide to be.